The war inside my head

​There are voices inside my head,

Constantly at a war among themselves,

One tells me to let go,

Other tells me to hold on,

I’ve been on this war with myself for so long,

I’ve been out on this open road for so long,

All I need now is a place to rest,

Someplace to call home without any need of pretense,

People say I’ll find my peace soon,

But they don’t know what it feels like,

They can’t understand the madness I feel,

The madness both dazzles and dizzies me,

They don’t know the feeling stars give me in the night sky,

The stars that resemble my dreams,

Sparkling and broken,

In this winter of my life,

I hope to find the summer soon,

With the voices inside my head getting strong,

The war inside my head seems to go on and on.

Dedicated to the girl who doesn’t feel pretty

Hey  there beautiful,

You might be thinking, me? Beautiful? Yes darling you are. You are a beautiful mix of flaws and perfection.

In today’s age we are surrounded by the concept of a perfect body. Magazines, photos, videos are all filled with the perfect body type which pretends than the normal human flaws don’t exist. Under the influence of these, its hard not to notice all the basic human falws in us.

I know you think its easy for me to sit here and tell you that you are beautiful and that you should see it yourself. They say that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and when you see yourself everyday its hard not to concentrate on the parts that you think are imperfect.  I know how you feel when you look into the mirror and wish how those ‘thunder thighs’ would disappear or how your arms are too long and thin. How your breast size isn’t the perfect one and how you have a slightly crooked nose. How you are not tall enough, your cheeks being too round, you being too curvy or you not being curvy enough.

Maybe its something else that has put you in this spot where you are feeling all these thing. Maybe you feel rejected or just not good enough. Maybe the past experiences have induced the thought that its always going to be this way, you not being good enough, not pretty enough. 

It’s OKAY to feel this way. You don’t have to justify your feeling.But darling there is a difference in feeling and being.

You are more than what meets the eye. Look at your hand, look at all those lines and creases. Maybe they are bruised up, maybe the nails are chipped off. Maybe your hands are too thin or maybe too fat. Look at your face, maybe your cheeks are too rounded or maybe too hollow, maybe your skin has become too dry or maybe you have started getting wrinkles.

Now think of all the things you have achieved in your life. Of all the accomplishments you’ve made. Your skin is the armour you have achieved for the battles you’ve fought. Your scars are the reminder of the great warrior you are. 

Remember that in life you don’t have control over everything. You can’t control who comes and leaves your life but you are your constant. You have yourself forever. You and everything that comes with it, the good and the not so good part. 

We concentrate so much on the not so good part that it plagues our mind and all we can do is concentrate on that. We become so concious about it, we start believing even others will notice our flaws. How we’ll be mocked about having not so perfect body, how we have a not so normal human body. More than often we forget that even though we don’t have adoration for our not so good part, these parts make us who we are,so do the parts we do like.

Need help in thinking those parts? How about the off tune singing of your favorite songs? Or the way you feel in your favorite black dress and those sexy heels. 

Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past. Maybe the wounds are still fresh. Think about the people who adore you. Think about the people of your past, your parents, your friends, your family. Try to see from the way they see it, you couldn’t have a single flaw even if you wanted to. 

Now think of the person who means the most to you. In my case its my baby sister. Now imagine how you’d feel knowing that she thinks so lowly about herself. The very thought breaks my heart. Now reversing the situation, I know it would break her heart seeing me point at all my flaws, thinking so lowly about myself.

I hope you live around people who love you and adore you. The people who inspire you to be better everyday and the people who make you smile and laugh. Its the things that we’ve done with these people that make us beautiful. The midnight walks discussing anything and everything about life, the harry potter movie marathons with them, the unplanned trips with the people you love the most. The time you felt you weren’t alone, because if you don’t feel beautiful today, trust me you are not alone. But I assure you that even though you think you are not beautiful, there is someone on this planet that thinks otherwise. Sometimes the oblivion of how others look at you is what makes you beautiful.

Remember who you are and everything that comes with it. You are more than ‘thunder thighs, and ‘wrinkled face’ , you are the kind words you give others. You are the genuine smile you give someone that lights up their day. Most important point is you are the only version of you in this world.

Just because you don’t adhere to society’s definition of beautiful doesn’t mean you aren’t. You are your own kind of beautiful. You are here in this world for a reason and the reason can be read as the definition of beautiful if you want it to.